I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
