If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
