i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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