dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
