party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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