That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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