I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
