MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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