mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
