I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
