5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
