this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
