No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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