i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
