Dude my mom stole all your condoms
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
