DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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