Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
