my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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