JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
