Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
