Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
