he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
