well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
