I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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