I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So many bounce houses so little time
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
