we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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