you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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