so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
