So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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