Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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