Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
