i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
