I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
