MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
