she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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