I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
