Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
