We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
