You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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