you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
