is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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