I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
