a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
