Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
