You smell like stripper and shame
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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