Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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