But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
