i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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