im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
