everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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