At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
